Unveiling Cusco's Hidden Gem: The Unbelievable Unaytambo Boutique Hotel
Unveiling Cusco's Hidden Gem: The Unbelievable Unaytambo Boutique Hotel - A Messy, Honest Review
Alright, folks, buckle up. Forget those perfectly polished travel blogs, because I'm about to spill the beans on Unaytambo Boutique Hotel in Cusco. And let me tell you, this place… it’s got layers. It’s not perfect (and frankly, those picture-perfect hotels always weird me out anyway), but it’s got a soul. And sometimes, that's way more important than a flawless finish.
First Impressions (and the Initial Panic Attack):
Landing in Cusco is an experience in itself. The altitude? Brutal. Seriously, I felt like I'd run a marathon just walking from the taxi to the front door. My lungs were screaming, my head was pounding, and I'm pretty sure I mumbled something unintelligible to the doorman about needing oxygen. Thankfully, the Unaytambo is strategically placed down the side of the cobbled streets, a welcome respite from the main square's chaos. The entrance itself is understated elegance, but don’t let it fool you. From the moment you step inside, it's like stepping into a different world. The staff, bless their hearts, are incredibly patient. I felt like I was having a mini-stroke, but they just smiled knowingly and ushered me towards the reception.
Accessibility (Did I Get Lost in Translation?).
Okay, here’s where things get a little dicey. The hotel claims to be accessible, and the website mentions facilities for disabled guests. However, Cusco's ancient architecture is a challenge. While there's an elevator, the uneven cobblestone streets leading to the hotel are not. Also, while the hotel is wheelchair accessible. Therefore, navigating Cusco can be challenging and require additional planning.
Rooms, Rooms, Glorious Rooms (Except for That One Slightly Creepy Mirror):
My room? Stunning. Really. Think rich, warm colours, thick carpeting, and blackout curtains that actually work (a rarity, my friends). The bed was an absolute cloud. And the hot water? Glorious, thank you, shower gods! I'm fairly certain I spent an hour in the bathroom alone, just drinking in the heat after the altitude chill. I did appreciate the closet, coffee/tea, and bottled water. The internet access – both wi-fi and provided LAN was good. And there was an alarm clock – though I didn’t use it the entire stay, it was nice to know it was there.
Now, the minor issue: there was a mirror in the bathroom. It was too high. Okay, it was a huge problem. Maybe I should have complained, but I looked at it, and thought… "well, this is fine, as long as I don't dwell on it".
Food, Glorious Food (and My Near-Vegan Breakdown):
The in-room breakfast was good. Also, the hotel has great restaurants with a variety of options.
- Restaurants: The hotel's dining options were surprisingly varied. They had a restaurant. They also boasted international cuisine, a vegetarian restaurant (essential for me, though I occasionally feel the siren call of a good steak), and, thankfully, a coffee shop to get me through the day.
- Asian Breakfast and Cuisine: I was so excited to get a restaurant with Asian cuisine!
- Breakfast: The buffet was impressive, though I did experience some near-vegan breakdowns regarding egg-containing sauces. But hey, at least the staff were super accommodating (more on that later).
- Poolside Bar: The poolside bar was great for a quick snack or a drink.
- Snack Bar: In the mood for some yummy snacks? Great, the snack bar is for you!
Things to Do (and My Inability to Do Them):
The Unaytambo is packed with relaxation options. They have a pool with a view! A Sauna, a spa, a gym, and even a Steamroom! I, however, was so wiped out from the altitude that my "things to do" list consisted of "breathe, sleep, maybe eat again." The pool looked delightful, though I was too nervous to get in. So, let's imagine you, dear reader, are actually a functioning human being. You could easily spend days pampering yourself.
Wellness (Because My Body Needed it After Cusco):
- Massage: I treated myself to a massage. It was pretty heavenly.
- Spa/Sauna: If I had more time, I would have explored the spa.
- Fitness Center: They do have a fitness center, but I did not have the energy, no sir.
Cleanliness and Safety (Post-COVID Anxiety, Activated):
The pandemic-era is still here. I had so many questions that are a real priority.
- Anti-viral Cleaning Products: I looked out for it.
- Daily Disinfection in Common Areas: They did it.
- Hand Sanitizer: Available everywhere.
- Room Sanitization Opt-Out Available: Yep, you could!
- Rooms Sanitized Between Stays: Awesome!
- Safe Dining Setup: Good!
- Staff Trained in Safety Protocol: Good!
- Sterilizing Equipment: Wow!
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Incredible!
Services and Conveniences (The Little Things That Make You Sigh with Relief):
- Concierge: They were so helpful! They arranged airport transfers, suggested worthwhile tours, and even helped me with a laundry emergency (don't ask).
- Daily Housekeeping: The staff were helpful, so I really loved them.
- Laundry Service: That was my laundry emergency I told ya!
- Cash Withdrawal: Yes, you can!
- Safety Deposit Boxes: Safety is important, right?
- Elevator: Yep!
- Air Conditioning in public area: The public areas had air conditioning.
For the Kids (and the Kid in Me):
- Babysitting Service: If you have the baby, they can babysit!
- Family/Child Friendly: You can bring the kids!
Getting Around (Altitude-Induced Panic, Again):
- Airport Transfer: It was definitely something I needed.
- Taxi service: They can book a taxi!
The Un-PC Anecdote (Buckle Up, Buttercups):
One evening, I was in the bar. The bartender noticed I was struggling with the altitude – again – and snuck me a shot of something that resembled jet fuel. It was a local concoction. It was smoky. It was…a tad illegal feeling. It also tasted like Satan's breath. But, it worked. By the time I was in my room, I was feeling better. I then felt guilty. I never complain about anything.
The Quirks, Oh, The Quirks:
The hotel is full of them. Little imperfections, like the slightly wonky light switch in my room (which, honestly, added to the charm) and the one waiter who always looked like he was about to burst out laughing. These "imperfections" made the experience real.
My Recommendation (The Emotional Verdict):
Look, Unaytambo Boutique Hotel isn't perfect. The altitude will (probably) kick your butt. There may be a wonky mirror. But, the staff is incredibly helpful. The food is wonderful. The location, is perfect! Does it have soul? Yes, it does.
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Alright, buckle up buttercups, because this ain't your grandma's travel itinerary! This is life, Cusco style, Unaytambo Boutique Hotel edition. Expect no glossy brochures, just me, a somewhat-organized mess, and a whole lotta altitude sickness (maybe).
Cusco, Peru: The Unfiltered Adventure (aka "Praying for Oxygen and Good Coffee")
Day 1: Arrival. Or, the Day I Became One with the Coca Leaves.
- Morning (7:00 AM - 12:00 PM, ish): Touchdown in Cusco! Oh sweet, glorious… gasp… air? Seriously, the thinness hits you like a right hook from Mike Tyson. We roll off the plane, a motley crew of sleep-deprived adventurers (and yours truly: me, the one with the anxiety-induced sweat patches). The airport shuttle driver is a tiny, smiling whirlwind, and the drive to Unaytambo is a blur of colorful buildings, rushing rivers, and me occasionally hyperventilating into a paper bag.
- Anecdote: Upon arrival at the hotel, I asked the receptionist (cute as a button, by the way) if they had oxygen readily available. "Si, señora," she chirped, flashing a smile. I swear, that smile might be the only reason I made it through the first hour.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Check-in, unpack (sort of), and the battle for world peace begins… which is really just a battle against altitude sickness. I’m talking head throbbing, nausea, the whole shebang. The hotel is gorgeous, all exposed wood beams and Incan-inspired touches, but mostly it’s a haven for hiding and praying I don’t hurl. I chug coca tea like it's my job. (It is. My job is surviving.)
- Quirky Observation: I feel like every single person in Cusco is subtly judging me for already being winded. The Inca ancestors were tough. I, apparently, am not.
- Evening (5:00 PM - Whenever I Pass Out): Mildly adventurous: venturing downstairs for dinner at the hotel restaurant. The food? Exquisite. The service? Impeccable. My ability to eat more than three bites without feeling like I'm piloting a rocket ship to the moon? Questionable.
- Emotional Reaction: The alpaca stew was orgasmic, genuinely. But halfway through, the altitude hit hard again, and I had to just sit there like a weirdo and stare at the wall trying not to puke.
- Messier Structure: Okay, let me be honest. I got the menu mixed up. I meant to get the vegetarian option, but accidentally ordered the alpaca stew. I felt terrible at first, eating an animal! But then I tasted it, and it was honestly… the best stew I've ever had. It was a moral dilemma wrapped in deliciousness.
Day 2: The Plaza de Armas Debacle and the Pursuit of Perfect Pisco Sours
- Morning (9:00 AM - 1:00 PM, with breaks for strategic breathing): CONQUER THE PLAZA! The Plaza de Armas is stunning. The cathedral is imposing. The sun is… well, it’s trying to cook me. This is the day I decided to actually leave the hotel. I thought: "I'm feeling better!" Famous last words. Walking is slow going. The cobblestone streets are charming, but also treacherous when your legs feel like jelly.
- Anecdote: The first time I saw the fountain in the plaza, I was immediately overwhelmed. So I just wandered along with the crowds. Then the dizziness hit. Had to sit down. On a bench. And let the world spin.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Lunch! (Attempted Lunch, anyway). Finding a restaurant that is tolerable is already a challenge. The main mission: Pisco Sours. Everyone raves about Pisco Sours, a drink that is supposed to be the nectar of the gods. Okay, maybe my judgment is off. After the first one, I’m still sober, and I'm ready to go again.
- Emotional Reaction: The Pisco Sours? The perfect balance of tart and sweet. Finally, something that actually made me feel better.
- Evening (6:00 PM - Whenever, with a slight chance of embarrassing oneself): More Pisco Sours, this time from the bar at the hotel. It felt like a reward for surviving the day/me. I tried to be social. I failed. Mostly due to the language barrier and the inevitable altitude-induced confusion.
- Rambling: I tried to learn a few phrases in Spanish, like "Donde está el baño?" (Where is the bathroom?) and "¿Qué es esto?" (What is this?). I also tried to flirt with the bartender, but I think I ended up asking him if he was an alien. Oops.
- Minor Categories: Nap: essential. Hydration: more essential. Complimenting myself for successfully navigating a day where I didn't throw up: deeply rewarding.
Day 3: The Sacred Valley Gamble (and Possibly, a Breakdown)
- Morning (6:00 AM - 12:00 PM): The Sacred Valley tour! This is it, folks, the big one. I’m being whisked away to explore the stunning valleys and ruins. The scenery is unreal, seriously. But the bus rides? Long and winding. The altitude? RELENTLESS. I brought extra oxygen on the bus, and I secretly felt like a real explorer.
- Stronger Emotional Reaction: The ruins themselves – Ollantaytambo, Pisac, the whole shebang – are breathtaking. The craftsmanship, the ingenuity… it’s awe-inspiring. But the crowds and the altitude were a tad overwhelming. I needed an extra helping of altitude medicine.
- Afternoon (12:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Lunch in the Sacred Valley. The lunch was great! I was feeling slightly better as the day went on. It was delicious, and I enjoyed it very much. Trying to savor every moment.
- More Opinionated Language: Frankly, the food was good, but it wasn't as good as the soup at the hotel.
- Evening (5:00 PM - Midnight): Back to the hotel, desperate for a hot shower and my bed. The day, while undeniably amazing, left me utterly drained. The thought of another day of sightseeing? Terrifying.
- Stream-of-consciousness Rant: Did I mention the altitude? Because I definitely need to. I am basically a puddle of existential dread and coca tea. And if I see another souvenir shop, I might just scream. The stress is so real!
- Messy Structure: The plan was to visit Machu Picchu, but I had to take a moment to prepare my mental state before I got the news. I just thought, "Is this even possible?" My body and brain were not cooperating, and the thought of the train ride to Aguas Calientes and THEN the actual hike to Machu Picchu sent me straight into a spiral of dread. I need to rethink whether this is smart for me.
- Imperfections: Real talk. Not sure I'm cut out for Machu Picchu.
Day 4: Unwinding and Reflection
- Morning (9:00 AM - 1:00 PM): Sleep in! Finally. The most beautiful words in travel: "do whatever you want." A massage at the hotel spa? Yes, please. I spent an hour being pampered while staring at the mountains thinking about absolutely nothing.
- Afternoon (1:00 PM - 5:00 PM): Trying to learn something, so I can leave this country: A cooking class at the hotel. Turns out, I'm a terrible chef. The potatoes were crunchy, the chicken was unappetizing, and the chef looked like he was questioning his life choices.
- Doubling Down: Despite the culinary disaster, I had fun! And I will absolutely try again.
- Evening (5:00 PM - Whenever): The final pisco sour of my time in Cusco!
- Final Thoughts: Cusco is challenging. It’s exhausting. But it’s also magical, unforgettable, and I’ve learned a lot about myself. And the alpaca stew. Oh, the alpaca stew.
Okay, so, not exactly a perfectly polished itinerary, right? But hey, that's life. And in Cusco, with the altitude, the lack of sleep, and the endless beautiful sights, that’s all you can do! Just roll with the punches, embrace the mess, and never underestimate the power of a good coca tea. Vaya con dios! (or in my case, vaya con a nap…)
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Unveiling Cusco's Hidden Gem: The Unbelievable Unaytambo Boutique Hotel - FAQs (Prepare to be Impressed... or Question Your Sanity)
Okay, seriously... is Unaytambo REALLY all that? I see the pictures, but are they *real* real?
Alright, let's be brutally honest. I'm a bit of a hotel snob. Seriously. I've seen *things*. Hotels that promised the moon and delivered… well, let's just say they delivered a lukewarm, slightly moldy cheese. When I saw the Unaytambo pics, I was skeptical. The photos? Gorgeous. Almost *too* gorgeous. Thought it bordered on the unrealistic.
And then I arrived.
Let me tell you, the pictures don't even *begin* to do it justice. It’s breathtaking. It’s intimate. It's… well, it's like stumbling into a dream that's been perfectly designed and then gently *pushed* into existence. Think perfectly weathered stone walls, huge fireplaces, and these ridiculously comfy beds that you immediately want to take hostage and drag back to your normal life. Honestly, the 'real' experience is a whole lot better. I'm not one for hyperbole, but trust me: Prepare to have your jaw meet the floor. Especially after you’ve ascended those stairs – more on that later!
**Anecdote:** I remember the first morning. I woke up, looked out the window (which, by the way, framed a breathtaking view of the mountains), and actually *gasped*. My wife thought I’d seen a ghost. Nope, just the hotel.
What's the vibe? Is it stuffy and formal, or more relaxed and welcoming?
Okay, this is crucial. I HATE stuffy. I'm allergic to formality. I need a place to chill. Unaytambo nailed the vibe. It's a delightful balance. Think elegant, but not pretentious. Luxurious without feeling intimidating. It’s like being invited to a really, *really* well-appointed friend's house where they happen to have a staff of angels to cater to your every whim.
The staff? Outstanding. They're genuinely friendly and helpful, not the robotic, forced-smile type. They make you feel like a friend. They remember little things. They treat you like a person, not a potential source of income. It's subtle, but that level of personalized service makes ALL the difference. They're so good, it's almost suspicious, as if they're training to brainwash all the guests into loving Unaytambo. Oh, I love them.
**Imperfect Insight:** There was this one slightly awkward moment after I stumbled in, slightly the worse for wear from the altitude. The person at the desk probably thought I was a complete mess, but dealt with it extremely professionally and smoothly. Seriously, props. That could have been a disaster, but they saved me.
The location... is it convenient for exploring Cusco?
Convenient? Let's just say you won't have to be hiking uphill to get to all the sights. The hotel is smack-dab in a super-central location. You're steps away from the Plaza de Armas (the main square), cute cafes, and shops selling llama sweaters that I didn't buy (but seriously considered!). Everything is easily accessible on foot.
**Rambling Thought:** The best part? Getting lost in the little side streets. I'm terrible with directions, but even *I* managed to find my way back to Unaytambo every time. A small miracle.
**Imperfection Alert:** There are definitely *some* hills. Cusco is at altitude, remember? Be prepared to huff and puff, especially if you're not used to it. Don't say I didn't warn you. But it's absolutely worth it.
What about the rooms? Are they as luxurious as they look?
Oh, YES. The rooms...prepare to be spoiled. Think plush beds, super-soft linens, fireplaces (yes, fireplaces!), and bathrooms that are practically mini-spas. And seriously, the showers have incredible pressure. (Important consideration for anyone who, like me, has a thing for good showers after a day of exploring).
**Emotional Ramble:** Remember when I mentioned the stairs? Okay, so, they're beautiful, but also...a bit of a workout. Especially after you’ve been sampling the local cuisine. (I may or may not have had a late-night pastry run). But every single step is worth the climb to get back to that incredible room and that ridiculously comfortable bed.
**Quirky Observation:** I'm usually a hotel room inspector, but in Unaytambo I just wanted to...stay. I wanted to live there!
How's the food? I'm a foodie, and I don't want to be disappointed.
Okay, first things first: the breakfast. It’s included, and it’s freaking AMAZING. Fresh fruit, eggs cooked to order (they have a seriously talented chef!), local specialties, and coffee that rivals anything I've had in Italy. I’m already drooling just thinking about it.
The rest of the food? Also fabulous. They offer a limited but well-curated menu for lunch and dinner, showcasing Peruvian flavors with a modern twist. Everything I tried was delicious. Their chef is incredibly skilled.
**Strong Opinion:** The alpaca? Order it. Seriously. Don't question it. Just do it. (Just don’t tell the llama in the picture)
**Messy Observation:** I may have eaten breakfast AND lunch there every single day. Don't judge me. The altitude makes you hungry!
Alright, tell me something *negative*. No place is perfect, right?
Okay, here's the thing. Trying to find a truly negative aspect of Unaytambo... well, it's tough. But to be honest, *if* I had to find something to complain about, it would be that I couldn't stay longer.
And... maybe, just *maybe*, the stairs could be a touch challenging for someone with mobility issues. But honestly, the view from the top makes it worth it. Okay, I’m going to keep digging… Okay, the wifi was a little spotty sometimes. But honestly, I wasn't there to use it, but to be amazed.
**Opinionated Rant:** Look, the only real "negative" is that it's eventually going to get booked up and you'll have to compete against other discerning travelers for a room. Book early, folks. Because this place? It's that good. I'm still daydreaming of it.
Would you go back? Seriously. Would you *actually* go back?
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